Most of my friends are married or engaged, and so I end up being privy to all sorts of relationship problems women have with men. Today I want to write an article about the top-pick of them.

Don’t talk love, live love…

Someone once told me caring is love as a verb or love in action. Absolutely!! But sadly love has just become a word, a noun, a lifeless entity. And men are more guilty of this murder than women. They don’t “do” anything that shows love, expresses love. They don’t care. And they are not caring.

A man thinks he is being loving by just saying “I love you, you mean the world to me”. I mean that is such crap. I mean the world to you? That is why you do not do one thing in your whole day, week or month that shows you are thinking of me?? Words are important yes, but if all you get is words, then well – talk is cheap. Put your money where your mouth is yada yada yada.

Ok I am being bitchy but I am going somewhere with this. When you truly love someone, you think about them. When you think about them, it reflects in your day-to-day life. In your actions.

Take religion for instance. When you worship Allah, you have to be conscious of Him; that is what taqwa means. You can say “I love Allah, fear Him, Worship Him” to the moon and back, you could pray five, even six times a day, but if He is not on your mind, and it does not reflect in your actions, then you are probably in big trouble…

Love is definitely less intense than worship, but the same principle applies. A man may have never said he loves you, but he bought you something (doesn’t matter if its 10$ or 1000$) when he was out with his friends. Another man tells you he loves you and misses you 50 times a day but it has never occurred to him to buy you that cabbage patch doll you have mentioned to him a million times.

Before you jump down my throat and say that all women want are “material” expressions of love, I will give you a real-life example which will prove otherwise. One of my cousins came to visit us and his wife didn’t come with him. I served him two gulabjamuns out of deference to his fondness of them and his size. He ate one and saved the other and requested that we pack it for his wife. She was “on his mind” and it was so obvious that he truly loves her and truly partners with her on everything in his life – even a gulabjamun. (And this is not some love-struck new husband but someone whos been married for 2 decades and has 4 kids). I was so touched, because I knew that if I had served him one, even then he would have saved half. This expression of love was priceless and price-less.

Some women are lucky!!

But most women, they get beaten with a stick at the slightest mention of any need for love or attention. That is one verb men do great in – fighting. Also arguing and negating. I mean why is so hard to accept that women need expressions of love? We women know that you men need more food because you have bigger bodies. We don’t give you a hard time over it or deny you meals or cook scanty food. Why is it so hard for men to understand that we women have big sappy hearts and we need little gestures and affection and attention?

Whether a woman is married or not, she will call her man ten times a day, cook his favorite meals, buy stuff for him when she goes out shopping etc etc etc. But God Forbid if this same woman gets annoyed at her man being inattentive to her needs, and makes the mistake of “demanding” attention or priority, then the man will rise to the occasion and fight, negate, invalidate, call her “unreasonable” and promptly use the manly weapon of “I don’t ask your for anything, you do things for me on your own. Why do you demand things from me? I love you don’t I? I married you didn't I?” (marriage - the biggest "favor" that men do to women after which they owe nothing more ever after. I'll bet noone ever told Cinderella that marriage was the end of all love and romance). And then ofcourse after all this, the man will go back to being negligent and oblivious and callous again the next day after sending an e-card (not even a real card mind you) with lotsa flowery words.

Poetry may be the food of love, but empty words without any supporting actions are its poison…

I rest my case.