What does it mean to have a best friend??

When I was 27 years old, I started to think I would never get married. That finding a good life partner is the hardest thing in the world. And it is definitely one of the hardest. But alhamdulillah, it happened. I found him.

And then I discovered that the much more elusive thing, at least in my life, was going to be... finding a best friend.

It was soooo easy in school. Back then, having a best friend was a given. Everyone in the class had a best friend or two. Actually in my last two years of high school, I had about 5!!

And to this day, those girls are my lifelines. And it is so natural and easy with them, cuz they know me from the time I wasn’t even me yet. I get giddy sometimes thinking, “What it would be like if one of them lived in my city? Would we go over to each other’s homes all the time? Would I call her crying if I was upset? Would we just assume that we would do everything together? Would we talk on the phone or text each other daily??”

But none of my old friends live here.

Here is where I moved 5 yrs ago. When I was already in my 30s. The Bay Area. And since then, I have met tons of people. There are the friends who make me laugh, the girls who are my partners in feminism, the ones who I can be desi with, the ones that I can have deep conversations with. But I have failed to find that elusive combination that sums it all up.  The packaging together of all those aspects into one amazing human being who is a daily (well maybe not daily) part of one's life.

Or maybe it is about having fewer options. My mom had this one best friend all her life in Jeddah, who she used to talk to every day for an hour on the phone and meet up a couple of times a month. My mom also did not have about 50 "friends" in her social circle and another 300 "friends" on facebook. She had maybe 3-4 friends and Ishrath aunty was her best friend. And maybe the emphasis isn't on the "best" - meaning that friend should be a perfect fit for you in every way, or complement all aspects of your personality. Maybe the emphasis is on "her". She was "her" best friend. So is it maybe about a little exclusivity (or loyalty to put in another way) as well?

The luckiest woman in my opinion, is the one who has a soul mate in her husband and a soul sister in her best friend. You literally share your existence with these two people. In my case, my real sister would have totally qualified for that part, except she lives 2000 odd miles away from me as well.

I have met some girls here who could have been those soul sisters. Who I really clicked with. So what’s the problem you ask? It’s all the impossible criteria at stake now. Does she have a job? If so, she is way too busy to be your bestie. Does she live in your part of town? If not, she is part of a totally different social circle that you are not part of. Has she lived here forever? In that case, she already has 5 best friends, who she’s struggling to fit into her life; so yeah you’ll see her once a month but that's about it. Does her husband get along with yours? If no, then there’s that (although not as much an issue cuz my time is not tied to my husband during the workday). Do your kids get along? Cuz that can definitely be an issue. UGGGHHHHHHH

So you know what you do? You make dua. You pray to God, just like you pray to Him for a happy life, enough money, healthy good kids. You keep praying, cuz you realize what a huge blessing it would be to find that “best friend”. Say alhamdulillah if you have one!!!