Maybe grief is like age. It emaciates you. It goes deep into you and makes your spirit weak, worn and battered.

Maybe tears are like fire. They burn the eyes they spring from. They leave a blazing trail down your cheeks.

Maybe loneliness is like a vacuum. It pulls at you and pulls at you until your outside succumbs to the emptiness within.

Maybe disappointment is like an acid. That eats away at the best part of you until you scarcely know yourself anymore.

Maybe coping is too hard. It’s easier to just collapse, don’t you think?

Maybe I am too weak. Maybe I should just give up. But give myself up to what?

Maybe I should just cave in. Yes I like the sound of that. Cave myself into a dark deep hole. Curl my tired body and aching spirit into the limpness it craves…caves…

Maybe I should go see a doctor. And tell him what? That my jaws hurt. Yes, they do. They hurt so bad. It’s a slow dull ache that grounds on endlessly. There is no start to it and no finish. I remember the days when my jaws would hurt sometimes if I laughed too much. But this is different. My jaws hurt now because they are clenched all the time. I grit my teeth and I try to keep my chin up.

But it hurts too much. I want to stop fighting. I want to stop clenching my jaw in a determined effort to be controlled. I want to stop bracing against all the hurt. I want to give in to it.

I want to cry in all the ways that I know how to. I want to roar and scream. I want to put my head down and cry softly, silently. I just want to cry.

I don’t want to be strong. I am so tired of it all.
Where does this grief end? Where does healing start?
O tell me Allah, when will the night end? When does the day start?