What do I want?

The unrest stirs within me again. The want for more. More what? I don’t really know. The smell of the air in India, and the feel of the heat on my back… Not surprising after a seemingly endless winter in Michigan.
I crave the human touch in this temperature controlled world of brick, stone and concrete. The bhutta waala roasting my bhutta. Friends who hold hands, butt into your life. Relatives who snoop and want to know where you are going every single day.
I long for the chaos.
But as my friend put it the other day, “and after 4 months in India you'll be dying for your mochas and lattes again, or your fancy Italian restaurants”. And damn if that ain’t the truth!!
So what is my problem? Is it the old “grass greener on other side” effect?
Or do I have the soul of a gypsy, with the wanderlust fused into me? The restless traveler…
Or is it even more fundamental that that? Is it some higher need manifesting itself as smaller, more discernible needs? And what is that higher need? The search for spiritual truth, a connection with God. Or the companionship of a life-partner. Or motherhood.
Who knows?
The real question is – Will I ever be satisfied and at peace? Will I discover the answers, establish the connections with God and man and be content? Will this twisting, strangulating need for more ever go away? Is there a happily ever after?
Or is it just the nature of the beast to keep wanting?