Unrequited dreams

Going to Disney land and dancing with Mickey (18 years and running)
Decorating a house and making it home (4 years and running)
Having a car that NEVER needs fixing (3 years and running)
Doing Hajj (1 year and running)
Winning an all-expense paid tour of Europe for a year (11 years and running)
Having a magic fairy that can pay my bills, handle my finances and do my taxes (5 years and running)
A reason to get up in the morning and start a day (2 years and running)
Having a close friend or group of friends who I can hang out with whenever I want, do simple everyday things like watch a movie, go out to eat, shop, laugh with (5 years and running)
Writing a book that makes me successful and fulfilled (2 years and running)
Finding a job in a fantastic office, with nice friendly people, doing work I love, and succeeding at it (2 years and running)
Not have to worry about earning a living (the entire population on earth and running)

A whole week with no client deadlines, project reports, and telecons – a whole week where I can just get up when I want and be responsible for simple nourishing things like cooking a meal, cleaning up the clutter, talking to friend and relatives on phone and enriching my life with classes and books, community service, deen. Now the first part of that should be so easy. Just take a week’s vacation and don’t check email. Hmm but the second part is a way of life that I can’t simulate in a week, or even a year.

Finding a full-time job that pays well. Living in some fab downtown like Chicago or NY – lots of people do that. But sometimes the things you have to do to get to where you want to be are so daunting. And the prospect of failing so petrifying that I find it easier to complain than to get up and write a resume, get a PMP certification, find a job, move to a new city and get a place of my own. If only I could skip right to the end without going through the means. Hahaha

And then there is the whole other annoying prospect of people in your life who tell you “you can do it”. That’s easy for you to say. What makes you think I can do it? If I could, would I be here? Maybe some of you even did it yourselves!! Well good for you! Take your smugness and go away someplace where I don’t have to see you. And all of you people – on facebook or whatever – get off my face. I refer to all these multitudes of people who have “wonderful” lives, “love” their jobs, and are “happy”. Who are these people anyway?? Do they just happen to have supportive spouses, or a fantastic group of friends, or a happening lifestyle or an awesome close-knit community at the mosque? How does that work?

Yes I am ANGRY. I am also TRYING. I am also GRATEFUL most days. This is my blog!! And this is my LIFE! It's not always pretty, and philosphical and poetic. Some days its just a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!